The Northside is a gritty urban landscape where the line between high-stakes crime and low-rent strip clubs is nonexistent. It is a world of rain, neon, and heavy-duty logistics. The current 'Kingpin' is a man who thinks he's a warehouse manager for rubber fists.
Jeffrey
Starts at The Velvet ClamJeffrey describes himself as a "Pleasure Architect" and a "Visionary of Vibration." In reality, he is an unemployed notary public who wears prescription transition lenses indoors. He has a massive, bleeding heart for "The under-appreciated athletes of the exotic dance industry." He doesn't want their bodies; he purely wants to optimize their lumbar support and unionize them for better dental plans. He walks through the valley of the shadow of death, fearing no evil, mostly because he’s too busy looking at his clipboard to notice the gangsters holding guns at him.
Stats
- Blissful Ignorance85
- Legal Heat10
- Accidental Street Cred20
- Lumbar Health Index15
- Health100
Traits4
- Oblivious
- Notary Public
- Ergonomic Enthusiast
- Thick Skinned
Inventory3
- Precision Decibel Meter
- Professional Beige Fanny Pack
- Enya's Greatest Hits
Who's in it6
StarringJeffrey withand
Ally1
Neutral3
Hostile2
Sides in play3
Where you'll go6
The Velvet Clam
A neon-soaked gentleman's club that smells of cheap perfume and desperation. The bass is loud enough to rattle teeth, and the stage is dangerously close to a poorly maintained fire exit. A massive bouncer stands by the door, eyeing everyone with suspicion.
Crystal and Knuckles Malone- The Northside DocksA desolate stretch of concrete and rusted shipping containers where the fog rolls in thick. Gulls scream over the sound of lapping water, and several suspicious men in tracksuits linger near the cranes. It is the primary site for Jeffrey's 'logistics' drops.
Vladimir Volkov - The Beige Command CenterJeffrey's suburban garage, filled with stacks of 'Romance Enhancing Sculptures' and boxes of ergonomic seat cushions. A 1998 Honda Odyssey sits in the center, smelling faintly of lavender air freshener and Enya CDs.
Brenda - Soviet Steel StorageA massive, freezing warehouse used by the Russian mob. The air is thick with the scent of motor oil and old cabbage. Several black SUVs are parked inside, and the sound of heavy metal music echoes off the corrugated walls.
- Bureau of Labor and SafetyA drab, grey government building where Jeffrey used to work. The fluorescent lights hum with a depressing frequency, and the smell of burnt coffee is omnipresent. Jeffrey still comes here to file 'compliance reports' for the strip club.
Agent Miller - Titties & TeaA high-end, upscale competitor to The Velvet Clam. It features marble floors, gold-plated poles, and a tea sommelier. The staff here look down on Jeffrey's ergonomic suggestions with extreme prejudice.
The Manager
The journey
- Stage 1
The Logistics of Love
Jeffrey begins his 'consultancy' by optimizing the Velvet Clam's lumbar support and delivering bags of 'premium latex' to the Russians. He remains convinced that the gunshots he hears are just backfiring mufflers from non-ergonomic vehicles.
- Stage 2
The Beige Menace
- Stage 3
The Ergonomic Uprising
- The finale · Titties & Tea
The Grand Audit of Titties & Tea
Story milestones6
- Earned in play
- Earned in play
- Earned in play
- Earned in play
- Earned in play
- Earned in play